A Labor of Perfection
Pilar Olivas ~ Short Story
Viciously maniacal control freak? Ha! The nerve of that girl! I swear if I lose one more actor to a “toxic work environment,” I’m going to quit the industry entirely and run to the woods where I will never have to see a thin-skinned, weak-willed, prima donna actor again. No one appreciates the vision anymore. No one is willing to put in the effort to craft the perfect toothpaste commercial like I am.
​
Looking around at this miserable excuse for a production team a sense of despair washes over me like the foamy, saliva-filled dregs of toothpaste at the bottom of the bathroom sink set piece.
​
There’s David on the camera rig. Ooh “I graduated from college. I have a degree in cinematography. I won a local film festival award. Mehmehmeh.” SHUT UP. For all his fancy degrees and his “prodigal talent,” he wouldn’t recognize good framing if it smacked him upside the head with a Dutch angle. We had one good take yesterday, just one, and he managed to screw it up. I told him I wanted a close-up so close that viewers could smell the minty freshness with their eyes. What does that idiot give me? A mediocre medium-wide shot with a lackluster angle. “Well sir, I thought we should get a better view of the area and create a sense of place…” WHY?!! So we can get a better look at the sloppy and unmemorable set design? Set design… oh the set design.
​
I wanted a modernist utopia: clean white Venetian marble countertops and black fixtures. An open shelving concept using polished, wooden planks mounted into the wall holding little potted succulents. Something that screamed cleanliness and minimalism when you saw it. What did I get? FAKE GRANITE COUNTERTOPS! IKEA SHELVING! DOLLAR STORE QUALITY FAKE PLANTS! “But sir, we had to work within the budget.” Do I look like I give a damn about the budget?! What is a budget in the midst of creating a masterpiece? How dare anyone suggest I should sacrifice my vision over something as trivial as a price tag, especially Sarah. I thought Sarah understood me but for all her talk of “artistic integrity” and “realizing the vision” she is just as flaky and incompetent as the rest. Did she even try asking the executive producer for a bigger budget? It’s not like Lisa couldn’t have used her devilish business world magic to find us more funding.
​
There lies another problem---meddling producers. Always sniffing around, fidgeting with things they don’t understand, all for the sake of so-called “marketability.” “I just don’t think film noir-inspired commercials will sell toothpaste, John. The voice-over script needs less poetic verse and more health benefits… Let’s pause the production schedule, I think you need a vacation.” No, Lisa, what I need is competent coworkers and for you to stop stifling my artistic genius!
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The lighting assistant is an absolute imbecile who can’t point a flashlight in the right direction let alone a spotlight. And if I have to correct the script writer’s use of commas one more time, I might just put him in a coma. The props department looks like a garage sale that has already been scavenged by vulturous, middle-aged, bargain hunters and was left in shambles. Then there’s the HR Department constantly hounding me for “hostile” behavior and “terrorizing my coworkers.” Worst of all… Carl, the intern. The bane of my existence, put on this Earth for the sole purpose of making my life miserable. How, you may ask? By screwing up every menial task I assign him. I ask for a fresh copy of the script, he brings me the abandoned draft from two days ago. I ask him to schedule an executive meeting, he schedules it during my allotted time for vision boarding. I ask for a simple cup of coffee with 15 grams of low-carb vegan sweetening substitute, two tablespoons of cream lightly frothed, and a dash of cinnamon served at exactly 132.57 degrees Fahrenheit and what does he do? HE ROUNDS UP TO 133 DEGREES AND BURNS THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH! With the whole universe out to get me, the successful production ship sailed a long time ago and capsized before it even left the port.
​
Relax, they say, it’s just toothpaste. They say no one will notice the hand towel was hanging a whole half-centimeter off-center in the opening shot. Please stop screaming at the interns when they bring the wrong temperature coffee, they beg. They say clients were happy with the script five rewrites ago. How?! How could anyone not see these things? Why does no one else have the same desire for perfection that I do? Is there truly no room for visionaries in this catastrophically corrupt capitalist dystopia? It’s too much. I need to lay down. I’ll just go ahead and send an email to delay filming for a couple of hours.
I open my laptop but a message at the top of the inbox beats me to the punch. An email from the production company.
Dear Mr. Johnson,
Due to recent complaints filed against you, we regret to inform you that your services as a director will no longer be needed at this company. Please see this linked document from the HR department detailing the list of complaints that have led us to this decision. We wish you well on your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Josiah Smith
Head Project Manager of NCM Studios
… very well. If they cannot appreciate the soul-crushing pain and sacrifice I have dedicated to this studio, if they cannot see the intricately woven details that I, John Johnson, have woven together into a beautiful tapestry of cinema, if they cannot understand the true GENIUS they see before them, then I am better off paving my own way in this cold and unfeeling world alone. One day, I will direct the most spectacular piece of toothpaste-related cinema the world has ever seen, and they will look back on this moment, forever regretting their decision to fire me. Mobs will flood every aisle of every grocery market, convenience store, and pharmacy, searching for the miraculous product featured in my masterpiece but they won’t find it. Why? Because the product in my commercial is a product of my incredible imagination; No production or marketing company could keep me under their thumb long enough.
Mark my words – I will make them rue the day they tried to choke my dreams into submission and then dropped me when I refused to submit.
Ode to a Tumblr Sexyman (First Movement, 2022)
Vanessa Winders ~ Poetry
What are we but a society that has lost sight of what love is,
We love things we should not.
And we revel in the corruption of that love.
We are Tumblr,
And we love those that others will not.
Oh, sexyman, creation of our own design!
The mass media will never understand.
Why, when none of you were ever real people?
Except for Tom Hiddleston and Benedict Cucumber-batch,
But that was more the characters you both played.
Loki, you may be a trickster, but with your fashion and wicked grin.
Oh, how you make all the edgy teens who shop for your merch swoon.
Sherlock you may be a prick but dam,
How we revel in your deductive reasoning.
And who could forget the King of the Pumpkin Patch himself.
Oh, Jack Skellington, ruler of all things Halloween and savior of Hot Topic revenue,
Your boney long-ness and black suits decorate all the walls and dressers.
Of any and all emo and goth middle school girl’s rooms
A phase we all may regret but never forget.
Tumblr, Tumblr, how you twist and turn the emotions of your users.
Your algorithm is nonexistent and your history almost undateable.
And yet your phenomenon of sexification continues.
Characters that are not even humanoid are not immune from your twisted love,
Nor has their lack of actual canon design ever stood in your way.
Wheatley, little psycho robot orb,
Creation of Valve,
Secondary antagonist of Portal
The only thing you have going for you is your voice but dam.
It has not stopped the artist or their overactive imaginations.
Cecil of Nightvale, you only have a voice but just like Wheatly,
And you’ve met with the same terrible fate.
Even Doctor Octopus our most beloved of Spiderman villains,
The superior doctor has been sexified,
You may never have a canonical love interest,
But the masses of internet fangirls will always
Adore you and your giant robot arms.
Tony The Talking Clock, WHY?
WHY THE CLOCK?
How did you all collectively decide to do this?
Who took a look at a talking clock
And saw boyfriend material?
Bill Cipher, megalomaniac, and ultimate creation of Alex Hirsh,
Even your triangle-ness,
Could not save you from the masses of sick adoration.
For your twisted vocals and dapper bowtie,
May you live on infamy and internet lore as an unprecedented event!
Megamind of Megamind you were a little late to the show.
Almond Cookie of Cookie Run, you’re a tasty little snack.
Junkrat from Overwatch, you’re a huge piece of trash.
Black Hat of Villainous, you dapper little bastard.
Komaeda from Danganronpa, get help please.
Slenderman of Slenderman, go back to 2009 where you belong.
Bruno of Encanto you poor sweet wall space crazy uncle.
We don’t talk about the Onceler anymore!
But I think Dr. Suess would want it that way!
Ingo of Pokémon who was also kind of late to the game,
Spamton of Delta Rune, the spammy-est of spam.
Purple Guy, really FNAF, really? The serial killer, really?
Alastor of Hazbin Hotel; it was the voice, wasn’t it?
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
Tim Burton’s second contribution to this remarkable cast of cursed characters.
All have surpassed their original source material,
And have achieved fame,
Fame beyond what is probably deserved
But nonetheless real.
Regan of Mob Psycho, you who came out of nowhere and challenged,
The longest of longstanding of these sexymen.
You who has carried anime dub into a new era.
You who has no actual psychic powers to speak of
Despite being in an anime about psychics,
But can go toe to toe with the best,
May your achievements be known as you have finally achieved meme status.
Sans mother effing Undertale, you who have plagued the internet.
Since you were first unleashed onto the public in 2015
You, who surpassed Jack Skellington as the most known internet skeleton.
You, who was crowned ultimate Tumblr Sexyman in front of
200,000-something Twitter users in the semi annual tournament.
This was before X!
Oh, how your creator Toby Fox revels in your twisted popularity.
It is but an urban legend that the power,
The power of the Tumblr Sexyman was too strong,
For the Queen of England to handle,
God save the queen because Sans sure didn’t
Snape, Severus Snape,
The OG, the original before Tumblr was in its conception.
You who set the precedent, the standard,
May your likeness never fade from memory.
As you have outlived the middle school crush phase.
As you have immortalized Alan Rickman,
Into the minds of all young adults still obsessed with Harry Potter for some reason.
May you stand above all as the founding father,
May your infamy know no bounds,
The catalyst of this phenomena.
The original Tumblr Sexyman.
Another Ode to Tumblr Sexyman
Vanessa Winders ~ Poetry
What are we but a society that has lost sight of what love is,
Again, for some reason,
Again, we find ourselves here,
Loving things we should not,
And using that love as a crutch,
Because no one else loved us so,
We love those others will not.
It usually starts with your favorite show,
Favorite movie, book, or story cast,
They’re there, even if you don’t know it,
Turn on the Wi-Fi,
Log into your browser of choice,
Get redirected to Google
And get off that as fast as possible
So you can log in again
To Tumblr
It will always come back to Tumblr,
Trust me.
Oh Sexyman, the idea. The concept,
The legend.
You are known and yet a mystery
Because nobody knows why,
Why does the world crave the Sexyman,
The world does not need Tumblr Sexyman.
Or do we? (I feel like we do)
I do not want to live in a world without Sexyman,
I do not want to live in a world without Sans Undertale,
Don’t take my Slenderman, leave my little Loki alone,
It’s not harming anyone, except for maybe our own pride,
Because we will never admit to our mothers,
Why we bought all that Jack Skellington merch
Sexyman, Sexyman, creation of our own design,
You exist sort of like a collective psychosis episode,
And that’s kind of hot
For some people
It starts somewhat normal,
Take the snarky male lead protagonist,
Windswept hair, sometimes
Beanpole build, squatty acceptable too though,
And a little line cook energy
Mix it together, then animate him
There’s the gateway Sexyman,
Sherlock, Doctor Who – all the doctors, Waluigi
Supernatural had three: Sam, Dean and Cas,
And who can forget the first, Severus Snape
Nobody knows why Snape started this,
Maybe it’s because had she been 35 years younger,
She who will not be named would have had a Tumblr
Then everything changed when the Oncler attacked,
A shift occurred and anything was game,
Here me out no more for if we’re all into it,
We don’t have to explain ourselves,
You know what you saw, you can’t unsee it,
The Oncecest
So hear me out once more as we plead our case
That TV head kind of does it for us,
He could tone down the stripes,
But we tap that,
After all we did vote Vox hottest in hell
Twitter didn’t see that one coming
We knew we made Vizi proud that day
She gave us Alastor too, who we clung to
Like a stress ball, squishy, squishy,
radio deer stress ball, with a knife
Because a Sexyman is only as fun
As the ships that come with him.
Admit it,
We all thought Megamind had too much game
To not get the girl,
Finally, a happy cannon ending
Until they betrayed us with TV a sequel
For this subversive cinematic masterpiece
The sanctity of blue baldness ruined.
We haven’t told you about Steve from Minecraft yet,
Big buff Steve can shatter stone with his hand
What kind of Tumblr girl wouldn’t want that
We can take or leave Turbo though
Bill Cipher wrote a memoir, now we have Billford,
Because it’s not a good day unless there’s fresh old man yaoi
Jax doesn’t count and we kind of jumped the gun on that one,
So we replaced him with Cane, he has nice teeth
So, let’s go out for dinner at Deadplate,
Stop for a chat in Nightvale
Or go for a swim in the Zora Kingdom,
Mhmmm Sidon, anyway,
We’ll watch the stars from out exile on the moon,
SPAAAAAACE! God bless you Wheatley.
So sit back, relax, relapse, ah-ah
Crank up those tunes,
Your best of Linkin Park and Evanescence,
The thirst traps reels rolling
Forget the man, all the real men,
For there is only Tumblr Sexyman.
The Dream-Keeper
Sam Everett ~ Short Story
Darkness isn’t something to be afraid of. He’s quite cordial once you’ve become acquainted, though I must confess it took us some time to reach that stage. I used to shut my eyes when I turned out the lights, as if that would keep him from seeing me. I knew he sat watchfully in the corner, waiting patiently for me to make the first move, but I refused to initiate the conversation. I waited for Darkness to speak to me first, because I didn’t want my calls to go unanswered. I couldn’t afford to expose myself again.
​
When he finally spoke, I’d been on the verge of sleep and was nearly sure it hadn’t been real. But then he whispered again, and the remnants of rest wore off quickly.
“Your dreams are cruel tonight. I would advise that you wait a little longer before drifting away.”
His voice was a gentle breeze drifting through my room. He was soft and timid, but I heard every word as clear as the whistling of wind beneath my hat on an autumn’s eve. I am not a particularly religious person — not anymore, at least — but for several moments, I wondered if I was hearing the voice of God whispering in my ear.
“Maybe I deserve to suffer,” I muttered, almost to myself. “What have I done to keep myself from the same nightmares as everyone else?”
“Your nightmares are not the same,” he said pointedly, or as close to pointed as an abstraction can get. “Yours are real.”
Flashes of striking emerald eyes.
I opened and closed my own eyes repeatedly, finding it curious that it made no difference in the complete darkness. I wondered if I could fall asleep with my eyes open. I wondered if my whole life had been a dream.
Tall, rugged good looks, starlight in his hair, a charming smile-
“Does the Dark make for good conversation?” I half-joked, turning over in bed when I found the right side of my face to be a bit warm. “I imagine you mostly only care to listen.”
“You would be right.”
“I don’t see why I should talk to someone who wouldn’t talk back to me, then.”
There. I had won the conversation.
A quiet pause. Then, “Is it not a comfort, though, knowing I listen to your cries when no one else can hear?”
“I do not cry,” I retorted instinctively. After a moment, though, a terrible thought occurred to me. “Do you listen to what I say in my dreams?”
“Oh, quite often.”
“Do I still whisper his name?”
Only silence and the storm inside me followed, and I knew Darkness had left (or at least, the part of him that could speak, for he never stopped watching me). He’d left me at the brink of nightmares, only to keep me living in the same mundane darkness that had enveloped me my whole life. Even if my dreams meant to make me suffer, surely at least a change of scenery could offer some respite?
The foolish thought trailed off. It was no use. I couldn’t possibly fall asleep now that I was thinking about him again.
I pushed the thoughts down as best as I could, burying my face in my pillow until my nose hurt and I felt like screaming. I wanted to scream until I had no voice left to speak with. No voice left to speak my mind, to talk to someone, to say what I really felt. I wanted to get every festering scream I've bottled up over the years out of me, and then never be heard by anyone again.
I wanted to only speak with the Dark.
Unfortunately, he did not dare to speak to me for a long time after our first conversation, even as I spent more nights alone in my room. I knew he stood watchfully in the corner as if to shield me from an oncoming nightmare, but there seemed to be a mutual agreement between us to keep silence intact for as long as possible. I had so many questions—Why are you so interested in me? What do you want from me? (Those were the only questions. I certainly didn’t want to ask him anything else.) And yet I kept them all bottled up inside me, even as sleepless nights turned to long stretches of my own personal purgatory. Still, I refused to be the first one to speak.
I don’t know how long I spent in that purgatory before the world around me changed. I stood at the top of a lush, green hill, a cool breeze sending ripples through the tall grass that came up nearly to my hands. I squinted off to my surroundings, frowning. Darkness, my personal, silent guardian, had evidently failed; Sleep had found me at last.
I didn’t immediately recognize this particular dreamscape. Wherever this hill was, it must have been buried deep in my childhood. It overlooked a vast ocean of green and brown that crashed its waves into a shoreline of smoky grey. Off in the distance, I could see the faint edges of an enormous, sprawling city. Flickering orange lights faintly shone through clouds of smog that stretched out from the border walls and stormed over the closest green hills. I could just barely make out a long stone path that winded from where I imagined the city gates to be out into the wild tempest and out of sight. The name of the city was on the tip of my tongue, but like all tangential information in a dream, seemed just out of reach. When I looked upon it, the only name that came to me was Death.
I was cut off from racking my memory by the sound of children laughing behind me. I froze, allowing the billowing grass to graze my fingertips. Pieces of the puzzle weren’t quite clicking into place, but I couldn’t jump to conclusions before the memory played out. Instead, I ducked down into the foliage and glanced at the oncoming crowd.
A young woman was leading a group of children — none of whom could be any older than thirteen — up to the top of the hill, carrying a bucket in one hand and a blue checkered blanket stained with black in the other. She was singing something as she led the children along, but I couldn’t make out any of her words; her voice was hoarse, strained.
My gaze was drawn away from the faces of the group, which seemed to blur out of focus until they were nothing but watercolor smudges against the sunset sky, and instead to the ashes caught in their tattered clothes. The soot that lined the edges of their sandwich bread, the dirt that they scraped off the picnic blanket. I felt something hollow in me, but I couldn’t quite place what was missing. The scene was unfamiliar.
This dream is not my own.
The words echoed within me as the darkness of the far-off city seemed to surge forward, the smog reaching out like a stormy hand and covering the sky. The children’s laughter from moments ago was gone, and I turned to find that I was standing alone on the hill once more. Standing up fully out of the grass, I gazed into the darkening sky, and felt something coldly familiar fill the hollowness in my chest.
Please… don’t make me relive this part.
The sideways glances. Their hushed, disapproving whispers.
Me, sobbing alone in the run-down bathroom stall on the schoolhouse’s third floor. The overwhelming feeling that stepping outside will result in imminent death. I didn’t want him to see me like this, especially now that the word had spread.
The tempest inside me was deafening, and I couldn’t escape. I could only run toward the center, the one I really wanted, the eye of the storm — and his eyes were emerald green.
At last — quiet.
“I don’t understand. I thought you would have wanted a break from him.”
Darkness had returned to my world. It took me — still covering my ears in hopes that the screaming winds had gone away — a few moments to understand what he had said.
“That doesn’t mean you can just give me someone else’s dream,” I finally gasped, letting my hands down and fighting the urge to reach for the switch to my bedside lamp. I didn’t want Darkness to leave so quickly, but I was so utterly bewildered; I needed clarity. “Surely, that was private to somebody?”
“I would have thought your first question might be, whose dream was that?” he murmured, and I thought I caught a hint of hurt in his voice. “But if you do not wish to know, then I will not divulge.”
Rubbing my temples as if to check and make sure the brain inside was still my own, I decided against asking him how he had done it. It just seemed to make sense: Darkness, the dream-giver, locked in an endless duel with Light, who banishes fantasy and delivers the dreamer to reality (and whom I had hidden from for so long).
“I thought you meant to protect me from my nightmares,” I muttered.
“You cannot stay awake forever,” he reminded me gently. “I offered you a replacement, but you chased the nightmare you were meant to have instead, even as it caused you great suffering. That is what I don’t understand.”
I had no retort to his astute observation. Darkness was correct: I had let the storm overtake me.
Because I’ll never stop chasing my love, even if only in my dreams. I’m safer trapped in nightmares with him than I ever was out in the light.
The sudden realization took my breath away. My eyes, which I realized were laced with tears, began to sting. Perhaps Darkness took notice, for he quickly added, “Apologies. I don’t mean to pry into matters that aren’t my own. I deal in the business of dream-giving, and, on rare occasions, dream-trading. It is difficult to know how much is truth and how much is fantasy of the mind. I do grow curious on occasion, but what happens in the Light is yours to know alone. It’s simply that I’ve never observed someone chase a nightmare quite as… fervidly as you.”
“Is that what I am to you?” I said, voice cracking. “Is that the reason you’ve watched me for so long? Am I not a friend, but a specimen to be studied?”
A pause. Then, his voice was as soft and clear as the first time he spoke to me—it was only right, for it was also his last. “No… just a dreamer in need of protecting. That is all you can be to me.”
It is difficult to describe how it felt when Darkness left, other than that the emptiness around me became truly empty again. I winced with regret at the thought that his final words might have been to himself as much as they had been to me.
I remembered the dream he had tried to give to me. I recalled the rolling green hills, the sound of children laughing. I remembered the kindly-seeming woman leading them to their picnic-spot, and how her face seemed to be a little too close to the color of ash. I wondered if the dream might have been hers, and then I wondered if she, too, had spoken to the Darkness as I had. Perhaps their conversations were longer. Perhaps they had grown closer together than we did. Perhaps they had even gotten too close. I could not help but feel deeply sorry for him. Those few who did not fear the Dark, who deliberately sought him out, who wanted to befriend him—they only suffered more, and he could do nothing but watch.
I resolved then to not be another name on his list of regrets. I decided that once the night had passed, I would try my hardest to live in the Light again.
“You don’t need to protect me, Darkness. Just let me keep this dream for myself for now. It’s the closest to Jayce I’ll ever be.” Though he gave no response to my whispered words, I smiled at him reassuringly as I drifted softly off to sleep, to face the shining emerald eyes of the everlasting storm inside me once more.
The Glassmaster
Emily Masters ~ Short Story
The three apprentices of Giuliada Tomasia Bastani knew how fortunate they were to study under an artisan of such renown.
Giuliada was an undisputed master of glass, and her three apprentices had been hand-selected from among thousands of eager would-be artisans. People spoke of her obsession with glass, but her apprentices knew that she was a true artisan. Like a true artisan, she knew no standards higher than her own.
The first of Giuliada’s apprentices, Vittori, was a sharp-faced man with a face lined prematurely by concentration and fine detail work. He could work for hours in the sweltering cacophony of the glasshouse like it was the silence of a cathedral. His fifteen years serving as Giuliada’s apprentice had taught him more about the craft than most established glassmiths, and still he knew only a fraction of the secrets contained within molten glass that reflected in Giuliada’s narrowed eyes.
Karletta was second in seniority. If Vittori had been chosen for steady hands and fine detail, Karletta was selected for the critical, finely-honed keenness of her gleaming beetle-eyes. Her sense for form and color made her an authority in Giuliada’s frequent absence, and her haughtily-angled chin made her an enemy of the other apprentices.
​
The final apprentice, Lorenz, was new, and Karletta and Vittori privately agreed that he would not last. Eagerness was no substitute for talent. Though Lorenz had both, the proportions skewed heavily toward the former. It was on account of his youth that they thought him flighty, unlikely to be willing to consign the rest of his life to the painstaking and dangerous detail-work on which they made their fortunes and their art.
​
The glassmaster was already deep into her craft when the apprentices arrived at the glasshouse each morning, and she showed no sign of ceasing when the workday came to a close. Delicate tools pulled at molten glass, spun symmetry out of glowing-hot materials, and shattered any piece that did not fit her standards of perfection. Increasingly, the sounds of breaking glass could be heard from her workroom.
​
All three apprentices, even Lorenz, understood the reason for Giuliada’s growing obsession. Giuliada Tomasia Bastani was going to die, and anyone could see that it would not be long.
Vittori regretted this, to be sure, but he did not mourn the inevitable loss. Everyone died eventually, and few were lucky to have created so much beauty in the limited time granted to them. Few could boast such a legacy.
​
Few except Giuliada Bastani would covet more.
​
“One final piece. One great creation. One last triumph,” Giuliada said. She allowed the apprentices only the briefest glimpse of her sketched plans, but even that was enough to see that the line between genius and madness was where their master had built her glasshouse.
None except Giuliada Bastani would covet this.
​
“A statue,” she said.
​
Karletta’s head tipped toward Vittori’s work table. An army of crafted glass chess pieces congregated around a forest of delicate glass flowers and a stampede of frozen-in-time stallions and finely-shaped mares.
​
“No,” Giuliada said. “A statue like they make from marble. Lifelike. Larger than life.”
​
“A statue of what, Signorina Bastani?” asked Lorenz.
​
Giuliada closed her eyes, and the temperature in the glasshouse ticked up like hands on a clock moving inexorably toward noon. Time stopped for no one. It was like Giuliada Bastani in that way.
The older apprentices did not look at Lorenz, as though his foolishness was not worthy of even the barest acknowledgement. It was understood that Giuliada would not share anything until she chose. And she never chose to share her inspiration until a piece had been completed.
​
“What materials do you require, Signorina?” asked Lorenz. The boy shifted forward, spoke quickly, all too eager to correct his slip.
​
Again, Giuliada considered. Again, the glasshouse grew warmer when not chilled by her attention.
“Red glass,” said Giuliada. “I wish to make my creation out of red glass.”
​
Her face did not change. The same deep lines, the same sharp-edged haggardness that put a brittle ache in Lorenz’s own chest each time Giuliada coughed. But as she said it, as she proclaimed that she would make something of red glass, the fragileness left her.
It was Vittori who said what all of them were thinking.
​
“Red glass? I thought such a thing was not possible.”
​
That knowledge was hard-won.
Karletta’s thin eyes surveyed the glasshouse. Poison-green carafes and small, delicate-legged deer the color of frozen honey. Chalices with pale-pink roses around the rims. Deep violet plates with wavering edges, placed between slender goblets of clear, icy blue.
Nothing red. Not even Giuliada or her apprentices had been able to unlock the secret of what temperatures, what chemicals, what additives would create the purest of shades.
Giuliada said nothing. She merely watched them with the same disapproval from their earliest days as her apprentices, the look that meant disappointment, failure. She returned to her workroom and gave them no further instruction for the remainder of the week.
The apprentices understood, then. Their mistake had been thinking Giuliada would allow the secrets of red glass to elude her.
​
Clarity and transparency of glass was prized by most craftsmen. Not so in Giuliada’s workshop. She craved color, craved it in her lungs like most people craved air. It had begun with enamels, though only Vittori was old enough to remember Giuliada’s early days of spinning out a clear-glass goblet and pigmenting it with vivid enamel across the still-molten surface.
The days of enamel were long past. Metal had changed everything. Nearly a decade ago, Giuliada was visited by an alchemist of renown, a bent-backed old man with wise, watery eyes behind thick glass spectacles. They spent eleven hours in Giuliada’s workroom, and when the craftsman left, Giuliada placed the first order for silver sulfide.
Only Vittori had been here long enough to remember the first piece Giuliada made with the silver and the chemicals. It was a pitcher, sculpted like the petals of a rose and enhanced with a layer of metallic dust that drew the vitality of the glass to the surface. The rose pitcher was the brightest yellow ever worked into glass, and that day was the first that Vittori saw the revered artisan Giuliada Bastani weep.
​
From that day, there was a shift. Karletta accepted her apprenticeship to a glasshouse teeming with color that carried its own breath. Giuliada was not satisfied with that either, and her experimentation continued. The results were otherworldly in their vividness, taking the silent war of glass craftsmanship to a battlefield no other artisan could begin to contend with.
What most would consider masterworks, Giuliada left to her apprentices. Glassmiths throughout Italia whispered behind covered mouths that the Bastani woman must have struck some manner of otherworldly bargain. Her soul traded in exchange for talent, for craft, for limitless energy and limitless inspiration.
Vittori knew she had not traded her soul, for her soul bled from every piece produced in the walled-off back corner of the glasshouse.
Now, once a work of glass was completed, Giuliada and her impossibly steady hands brushed it with the metallic compound. Lorenz clearly did not understand it, and though he would never admit it, neither did Vittori. What they did know was that it worked. Colors impossibly bright, shades mixing in ways impossible to imagine. Brilliance was the hallmark of Giuliada Bastani and her glasshouse, and the world would know it.
​
The change started when Giuliada’s health began to fail.
The furnace in the center of the workshop was perpetually stoked to a temperature that could melt glass. At all hours, the furnace’s roar was a heartbeat beneath the arguing apprentices, a music accompanied by the fine scratching of delicate tools etching delicate patterns.
​
It had once been allowed to go dormant overnight, but no longer. For nearly a year, ever since Giuliada’s coughing fits began, she would not abide the idea of the furnace going out. It ran day and night, heat that simmered off the baked-clay tiles of the glasshouse floor. It pressed into the lungs of anyone nearby, and it dragged an immediate flush to the face of the apprentices the moment they arrived each morning. If not for the large, open windows and the breeze of Venice’s canals, the workshop would have been unbearable.
Only Lorenz was unaffected by the heat, one of the many ways he made himself obnoxious with his tirelessness. No one but Giuliada could surpass his energy, and as Giuliada’s coughs increasingly spattered crimson across discarded handkerchiefs, it seemed certain that he would surpass her one day as well. The glassmaster, though, did not allow her declining health to impact her tireless work. She had decreed that she would create red glass, and Giuliada Bastani did not suffer failure.
​
The next few months were… severe.
Piles of broken glass on the glasshouse floor were nothing new. Giuliada prized perfection and raged against flaws, flinging away pieces that failed to meet her exacting standards with reckless passion that bordered on hatred. Lorenz, Vittori, and Karletta were accustomed to being greeted each morning by the shattered remnants of Giuliada’s work the previous night.
The difference was the color of the shards. They began a vibrant pink, bright enough to spear into the eyes like a physical ache. They did not remain so. Each successive morning, the shards were redder.
But never red enough, for as Giuliada grew weaker, she demanded more of herself and of her apprentices.
​
Vittori stayed late, stoking the forge with all his might as sweat stung his eyes and salted his beard.
Karletta was called into Giuliada’s workroom daily and reported being asked to pour over sketches and examine chemical formulas until her eyes ached from reading parchment under candlelight.
With the great masterwork consuming the other apprentices’ time as well as Giuliada’s, Lorenz found himself left to oversee the majority of the glasshouse’s commissions from their patrons and benefactors. As the older, more seasoned apprentices were increasingly called away to assist with the mysterious masterwork in the back room, Lorenz completed goblets of luscious amber, iridescent decanters with handles like twining serpents, and thin, flat goblets greener than the sea that he brushed with a feathery texture. They were among his finest works, and praise from patrons echoed off the empty front room of the glasshouse while Giuliada toiled for perfection behind closed doors and thick curtains.
​
It was after four months of witnessing the progression from pink to orange to burgundy all in pursuit of red that the apprentices were met by a shattered pile of glass on the glasshouse floor. The glass was the color of a rose petal, pure and bright and, to the eyes of the apprentices, red.
Giuliada stood before the pile of broken glass. She did not turn around when her apprentices approached. She merely stared into the pile of fragments.
​
“Remarkable,” Lorenz exclaimed, bouncing on his heels in poorly-concealed exuberance. “Remarkable!”
​
“You’ve done it, Signorina Bastani. Red glass,” Karletta whispered.
​
“Cranberry glass,” Giuliada said, her voice as hollow as air through a crack in a window. As the daily piles of broken glass grew more red, Giuliada appeared to drain of color. Either disease or pure fixation siphoned away her energy. “Not red. Not truly red.”
​
Her tongue darted from her mouth, traced her bloodless lips.
​
“How much more can you ask, Signorina?” Vittori asked. “We have done the impossible already. A hundred times over, we have done the impossible.”
​
He held out the shard that, to Karletta’s eyes, was the closest to red that human hands could manufacture.
Giuliada took the shard from him. Her hands were skeletal, callused from decades of detail-work and bleached from lack of sunlight. She looked like a creature made of ash. But when she slashed the shard of glass across her forearm, the blood that rose to the surface of her skin was the most violent shade of crimson.
The contrast against the glass proved Giuliada correct; the color of the glass appeared pale, cheap, wrong compared to the pure crimson of blood.
For a moment, Karletta could not speak; it was as though Giuliada’s vision, her single-minded obsession had permeated the air within the glasshouse. For a moment, any cost was worth paying for glass of such a color.
​
“I have not made red glass,” said Giuliada. “I have merely come close.”
​
She allowed Vittori to bandage the slash in her arm only when the apprentices warned her that leaving the injury untended might hinder her work.
Giuliada once more vanished into the depths of her private workshop, and she did not emerge until nightfall.
The apprentices did not speak, but all three pairs of eyes found themselves drifting again and again to the pile of red glass as if pulled by a powerful current. Against the crimson spatters of Giuliada’s blood, the shards of glass hardly looked red at all. Vittori had studied under Giuliada Bastani’s tutelage for over a decade, but never before had an aspiration of hers felt so noble. Red glass. What wouldn’t an artisan give for red glass?
When the time had come for the apprentices to depart until the following morning, Giuliada made a rare appearance.
​
“Lorenz,” she said. “You will stay. You will assist me in my work.”
​
The older apprentices were not happy, but they did not question Giuliada. The glassmaster gave orders, not requests.
…
The following morning, the workshop floor was clean. No shards of glass caught the light, and without the near-scarlet of the shards, the glasshouse was colorless, the blues and greens and yellows and violets all reduced to the gray of corpse-flesh.
“It is finished,” was all Giuliada said.
She ushered them into her workroom. It was a place of reverence, to be entered like the confessional in a chapel, with bated breath and hesitant footsteps. The air stank of burning, the telltale sign of impurities in the fuel.
Rather than stained with color like a church, the windows of Giuliada Tomasia Bastani’s workroom were stained with soot from the glass furnace. The scant daylight from the edges of the window proved more than sufficient to illuminate the great artisan’s masterpiece.
Vittori and Karletta saw now that the discarded glass months-over had been pale imitation, counterfeit color and nothing more.
This was red in truth. Lifesblood red. Fiery, visceral, and arterial red.
​
True to her word, Giuliada had crafted a masterwork, a sculpture larger than life and made of glass in a color that the world had called impossible. The statue towered above Giuliada’s frail, haggard body, dwarfing the apprentices. So vivid was Giuliada’s creation that the living creatures in the room with it appeared diminished, weakened, sickly.
The glass woman’s hair was frozen as if caught in an unseen wind. She was depicted in the middle of a graceful stride forward, unimpeded by clothing. A body designed and crafted with such care, such appreciation, such intimate knowledge of the female form that a painter would weep in admiration and despair.
​
“Eve,” said Giuliada, a hoarse whisper. “The mother of mankind, the mortal who doomed us all to die. Fitting, no? That the final work of the only female artisan among her contemporaries should depict the first woman to walk the earth.”
​
The two apprentices could not speak. It would have been disrespectful, perhaps, to utter a word in the presence of pure mastery. They simply stared, taking in the perfection, the pinnacle of an already-unmatched virtuoso of glass.
Eve’s glass hands reached upward, eternally grasping toward something just out of reach. Delicate fingers, individually sculpted and perfectly proportioned.
Glass. All the reddest of red glass.
​
“Where is Lorenz?” Vittori asked. “He should witness this. He should see that our work was not in vain.”
​
Giuliada did not answer. Her eyes saw nothing but Eve, red reflecting off unshed tears. “My greatest creation. My foulest torment. I have achieved perfection.”
​
Karletta could not speak, could scarcely breathe. The sense of wonder was so intense that it was indistinguishable from revulsion. Never in her life had she seen such a color, too red to be a living thing but too intense to be anything but alive. She gazed upon the face of the statue, struck by the care in the detail.
Glass eyes, crafted in such a way that created variation of color in her irises, depth in her pupils, the detail fine enough to show each one of her long, delicate eyelashes. Eyes that looked up and ahead, anticipation written in glass. Glass lips slightly parted as if in thought, as if the statue might draw breath at any moment she chose.
​
“I created Eve,” Giuliada’s voice was a rasping whisper, dried-out. “Am I Adam, or am I God? Either way, what power.”
​
“How?” Vittori asked, reverent and breathless. “How did you create such color?”
​
“Metal is required to make glass vivid,” Giuliada said. It was as though she lacked the strength to speak louder. “Metal surrounds us. It is in the stones beneath our feet. It fills our veins.”
​
Giuliada held up her paper-white hand toward the statue, a mirror of the glass Eve’s grasping pose. The violent red slash along her arm looked brighter, deeper.
​
“Eve,” said Giuliada. “My Eve. If I am God, why should I not take what I require to create art?”
​
She coughed, and this time, her handkerchief came away more red than white.
​
“What did you require?” Karletta asked. Greed and glass reflected in her eyes in equal measure, but Vittori could not say if the emotion was cold or molten.
​
“The price of great art is what it has ever been – blood.”
​
“Signorina, you- you put your blood in the glass?” Vittori asked. It should have been horrifying, but the apprentices were not certain that was what they felt.
​
“I tried. It was not enough,” Giuliada said. “I needed more than what I alone could offer. I needed vitality. Youth.”
​
The glass was the color of blood. For the first time, Vittori questioned whose.
A brush of realization susurrated through him, as delicate as the tools that added detail to molten glassworks.
A whispered question. “Where is Lorenz?”
​
Giuliada extended a single, tremulous finger toward the statue.
Thanks to the glass furnace, no glasshouse was ever anything but stifling. It was, however – for an instant – not enough to keep the room from feeling frigid.
Giuliada swayed where she stood, and the look on her face as she gazed at the crimson glass above her was pleading and proud in equal measure.
“Heat turns glass into art. It sears away the imperfections from the human form until nothing remains but metal. Metal is color, and color is perfection. There is no difference between them. What is the purpose of an apprentice if not to buy perfection with blood?”
​
“I do not understand,” Vittori said. He wished he was lying.
​
“What have you done?” Karletta whispered.
​
Giuliada lowered her ash-white arm to gesture carelessly at the furnace.
Years of working amidst the perpetual sound of fuel consumed by flame led to a sort of deafness. Vittori could not remember the last time he had consciously considered the dull roar of the furnace. All he could think now was that he no longer heard it.
The furnace had burned out. For the first time since she chose this mad obsession, Giuliada had let the flames go dormant. The beating heart of the glasshouse no longer burned.
Vittori did not think he could persuade his body to move, but Karletta opened the metal latch that held the furnace closed.
Karletta screamed, but the sound was swallowed by sickly silence and the faint drifting of loose cinders. Among the dead embers, some of the blackened and ash-crusted shapes were too curved to be the sticks of the forge’s usual fuel. Karletta stirred the remains of the dead fire, and her keen eyes could not ignore what might have once been the nimble fingers of a glassworker, or the now-blackened teeth of an eager, youthful smile.
Lorenz had always been eager to please.
Vittori could only stare. Horror, disgust, and the most grotesque feeling of all: admiration of the master craft before him and the ruthlessness that had created it.
​
“I have completed my life’s great work,” Giuliada said, heedless to the stunned silence she had sown. “Red glass. I created red glass.”
​
Giuliada doubled over, coughing into her handkerchief once more. The cost of red glass was not merely one life; it was two. One worked into the glass, the other worked to death to create it. The price had been gladly paid.
Karletta and Vittori were not often in agreement, but they were united in their decision.
The horror of the apprentices did not reach the artisan’s ears. If she cared when they cast the furnace’s coal and oil over the furniture and wooden floor, she did not show it. If she wished for the apprentices not to shatter a lit lantern into the amassed fuel, she said nothing. The apprentices of Giuliada Bastani set the workshop to burn and did not look back as they fled.
Giuliada did not stop them. Perhaps she no longer had the strength. Perhaps she no longer cared, now that the impossible had been proven anything but.
If she feared the flames, she gave them no heed. She merely sat at the base of her creation long after her remaining apprentices were gone.
Heated to such a temperature, the most vibrant red glass in the world was merely molten-white. Giuliada Bastani’s masterwork was indistinguishable from any other work of glass.
Giuliada Tomasia Bastani, the great glassmaster of Venice, watched through the smoke as Eve succumbed to fire. It was transformed to something liquid and living and dead at once. Form consumed by flames. Life consumed by vision of more.
​
The last piece of the statue that melted was the hand of Eve, eternally outstretched as she reached for temptation, for knowledge, for eternity.
​
The ends of Eve’s fingers dripped blood.
​
It was beautiful.
Imminence
Madison Milligan ~ Poetry
Perhaps memory does not persist
for as long as we would like,
and the very folds of existence
are unraveled by the insignificance of it.
The best and the worst of everything
are eventually forgotten
or at least regarded with the same passivity.
Even the fame of memorialization is punctuated by
the monotony of passing time
and the indifference that accompanies it.
Does the significance of life even matter
if it will all eventually fade
after life itself ceases?
Perhaps it doesn’t matter.
It is not a joyful thing
to be plagued with thoughts
of the imminence of death.
Plagued
Madison Milligan ~ Short Story
Warning: Gore, Body Horror
​
They watched him approach with a mixture of contempt, resentment, and trepidation. They whispered words of disgust and mockery to one another, their eyes following him as he went. They breathed a huff of relief as his steady, quiet footsteps pattered past their door, glad that he was visiting a different house, glad to relish in a fleeting moment of safety.
How could a doctor be so terrible at his work? He had never received any training that they knew of; when the village had required a town doctor, he had appeared mysteriously. But as awful as he was at curing his patients, he had been the only man who was willing to fill the position. Somebody had to record the infections and deaths that ravaged the town, somebody had to perform the autopsies. And yet, despite the fact that none of the townspeople wished to risk their lives by exposing themselves to the plague, they still held him in vicious contempt.
All eyes were upon him as he approached a small house. The Burgess household. He knocked on the door with one gloved hand, the other grasping a plain black bag. He was an ominous figure, his black robe swaying in the wind and the beak of his bird-like plague mask only a few inches from the door.
A woman opened the door.
“Edward,” Mrs. Burgess said. No title, no surname—no respect. He had lost that, the townspeople decided, after his twentieth dead patient.
Edward nodded. “How is Peter?”
“He fares poorly. His illness is much worse.” There was a distinct note of resignation in her voice. She already knew that her son would not get better.
Edward stooped his head in a gesture that was clearly meant to indicate remorse but instead brought the long beak of his mask downwards, smacking Mrs. Burgess lightly on the head.
“I have brought another tonic to cure him,” he said obliviously.
She rubbed the top of her head in irritation. “Come in, doctor.”
The room that Peter was kept in was a tiny bedroom just beyond the kitchen. Mrs. Burgess hovered around anxiously after showing Edward inside, watching her bedridden son for a few moments before scurrying off to hang the laundry to dry outside.
“Good day, Peter,” Edward said, moving to sit down next to the cot on the floor.
Peter groaned and said nothing, reaching for his neck. It was blemished by swollen welts that oozed pus.
“Your fever grows. Has your mother put a damp cloth over your forehead like I asked of her?”
“I do not wish my mother to come near me,” Peter spat out. “The bad stench will make her ill.”
“If you will not do as I ask, I cannot assist you.”
“The fever is not the only thing that ails me. What of the rest? What of the vomit and pain?”
“Where is your pain?”
Peter groaned again. “Everywhere. My stomach, my head. It all hurts. And my fingers and legs…they tingle constantly. They feel as if a thousand insects are writhing inside of them.”
Edward opened his bag and began rummaging through it.
“And…and Mother thinks I am mad but…”
Edward paused and looked up sharply. “But?”
“I see…lights. A bright light-”
“Well, do not go towards that,” Edward said dryly.
“-and figures!” Peter sat up suddenly and grasped at Edward’s gloved hand, sweat dripping down his forehead at the exertion. “There are figures, doctor, figures that watch me. They are always watching me.”
Edward pulled his hand away. “That is just your mother, coming to care for you.”
“It is not, I swear it is not. You think I do not know my own mother? I swear they are there.”
“I have a tonic for you to take,” Edward said, ignoring Peter and procuring the vial from his bag.
“I do not want that. It made me feel worse last time.”
“You have to get a little worse before you can get better, Peter.”
“I have already gotten a little worse! I have gotten more than worse! Ever since Father died… Mother has been struggling. I cannot die. She needs me. She needs a man in the household to take care of her.” Peter struggled to reach out, finally grabbing the vial. “This will…really make me better? I am in so much pain. So much pain.”
Edward considered Peter, fathomless behind his mask. “This will make your pain go away.”
Peter threw his head back and downed the tonic.
Edward stood up and moved to the door. Mrs. Burgess was waiting in the kitchen, looking at him expectantly.
“Call for me when he begins feeling better,” Edward told her.
Mrs. Burgess smiled at him. She could not see the expression that he returned from behind the mask.
*~*~*
The next time Edward paid a visit to the Burgess household, Peter was dead.
Edward stood in the doorway, looking at Mrs. Burgess’ sobbing figure crumpled on the ground.
“I’ll need the body for an autopsy,” he said, finally.
Mrs. Burgess’ head snapped up. “You cannot have him. No, monster, you will not have him! He’s dead because of you.”
“Don’t be silly, woman,” Edward said coldly. “Your son is dead because you decided that you would rather listen to him than me. You refused to follow directions, just like the rest of this forsaken village. You shall not dare blame the consequences of your own actions on me.”
“We’re burying him with his father,” Mrs. Burgess said, crawling pitifully over to Peter’s body. His deathly pale skin was covered in raw sores and oozing pustules, his lips were split and bloody. “We’re burying him next to my William. You must let him be laid to rest.”
“I must do no such thing. Peter had symptoms I have not seen before, and I need to examine him.”
Mrs. Burgess reached out and grasped at the fabric of Peter’s long robe. “You can’t do this! I won’t let you!”
“Last time I checked,” he said, pulling his robe from her reach. “I am the doctor in this town.”
“I wish you weren’t! By God, we all wish you weren’t!”
“Wishing won’t bring your son back,” Edward replied, stooping to gather Peter’s corpse in his arms. Mrs. Burgess’ pleading cries followed his retreating back.
The townspeople watched in silent judgement as he made his way down the uneven stone road and back to his home.
Edward’s house lay on the outskirts of the village, a place where no one cared to go near. It was a depressing place, with the persistent stench of death lingering around it. Shifting Peter’s corpse in his arms, Edward opened the door and went inside.
A large, fat rat ran to greet him, skittering over the floor, up Edward’s legs, and onto his shoulder. Edward dropped Peter’s body on the wooden table in the middle of the room and reached up to scratch behind the rat’s ears.
“Hello there, Mr. Shakespeare,” he said, as he walked into the bedroom to change his clothes. His mask remained on.
Edward had found Shakespeare the rat in London shortly before he arrived at the village. The rat had taken an intense interest in him and followed Edward incessantly down the street. While most considered rats nasty, vile creatures, Edward had taken a liking to the rodent and allowed it to follow him home, giving it scraps of food. When he had taken the position as village doctor, Shakespeare the rat accompanied him. The townspeople did not know of the rat’s existence, and Edward was careful to keep it that way.
“Are you hungry Mr. Shakespeare?” Edward asked, returning to the kitchen and straightening Peter’s body out neatly on the rectangular table. Edward’s house was quite small, with only two rooms: a kitchen and a bedroom. The wooden table was meant to be the dining table, but Edward used it for other purposes. The rest of the contents of the kitchen consisted of a fireplace, shelves with a few pots resting on them, and some cupboards and drawers. One of the drawers was open slightly, an assortment of bones barely visible within.
Edward opened a different drawer and procured a kitchen knife. He approached the body but did not cut it open to reveal and examine the internal organs in the manner of a typical autopsy. Instead, he ripped open one of Peter’s pant legs and began slicing away the skin in efficient movements, his head tilted at an odd angle as he peered out of the eyes of his mask. He skinned the leg quickly, and then began cutting it, drawing the knife back and forth over the flesh of the lower thigh and severing the meat from the bone in long chunks. Shakespeare the rat crept over slowly, careful not to get in the way of the knife. When Edward was finished, the rat buried itself readily in the bloody mess and began gnawing on the femur, its teeth scraping along the bone in a shrill, grating shriek.
Edward hummed to himself and rubbed a handful of salt in the cut of meat before dicing it into large, ragged pieces. Fetching some water from a bucket by the hearth, he poured it into a pot and set it over the stove to boil.
“Well, this is working out much better than before, isn’t it?”
Shakespeare the rat paused from his feast and looked up at Edward inquisitively.
“Well, I suppose it didn’t matter much to you either way. But this disease makes the body rot even before the person is dead, Mr. Shakespeare, and you know how I hate the taste of rotten flesh. No, the arsenic has worked much better. For both me and the patients, I think. The plague is a worse way to go.”
Shakespeare the rat shook his whiskers and occupied himself with the femur once more.
“Although,” Edward continued thoughtfully, despite the disinterest of his one-rat audience. “The hallucinations are a bit annoying. Nothing that a higher dose could not fix, though. I just need to make them too sick to talk.”
The water had begun to boil. Edward walked to the hearth and dumped the chunks of diced meat into the pot, before returning to Peter’s body to skin the rest of his leg, waving away the flies that had gathered. When Edward decided he had prepared enough meat, he hoisted Peter’s mutilated corpse off the table and onto his shoulder. Ignoring the blood gushing onto his clothing, he made his way to the back door, grabbing a shovel.
A few feet away from his house, a shallow grave was already dug. Edward dumped Peter’s body unceremoniously into the ground and used the shovel to cover it up, stomping a few times to flatten out the dirt. Shakespeare the rat scampered onto the patch of dirt, nibbling happily on one of Peter’s severed fingers.
*~*~*
After Peter’s death, the townspeople were enraged. Not only was Edward a horrible doctor, but his refusal to allow Peter to be buried with his father was too far. An autopsy? For what? It wasn’t as if the knowledge would make Edward any more useful.
Edward understood that if he was to remain the village doctor and have access to his source of human flesh, he would have to begin successfully curing people alongside killing them. A girl had recently started developing pustules, and as much as her family tried to keep the information from getting out for fear that Edward would make it worse, he was now approaching their house with his staff and medicinal bag in hand.
The little girl was the perfect target for Edward’s cure as she was not yet even six years old. Edward had always allowed children to be buried as their families wished and he had decided when he acquired the arsenic that he would not kill them. He would not waste his resources for so little food in return.
Mrs. Hodge gave him a watery smile when she opened the door. Her eyes were grave. “Oh, do not worry, our little Agnes is hardly ill at all. It is nothing serious, doctor.”
“Stand aside,” Edward told her, and she hesitantly followed his instructions.
She led Edward into the room where Agnes was kept. He watched Agnes, racked with a fit of coughs, with little pity. A bit of blood dribbled out of her mouth, and her mother bent to wipe it with a cloth.
The girl was very sick. That much was clear, but she had yet to show signs of buboes that needed to be drained. Edward pulled a cork-capped bottle from his bag and thrust it into Mrs. Hodge’s hands. She stared at it incredulously.
“It’s Four Thieves Vinegar,” he told her. “Give a spoonful to Agnes twice a day. It should make her feel better.”
He did not wait for her reply and showed himself out.
*~*~*
Edward staggered into his kitchen, dropping into a wooden chair dizzily. Something was wrong. He tore off his mask, revealing his pallid complexion and drooping, mud-colored hair. Taking deep, unobstructed breaths, he realized how putrid the air around him was. His house smelled of death, of corpses, of disease, of the plague.
He had done nothing different during his visit to Agnes a few days ago; if anything, he had been more careful. Despite this, he was ill. That much he knew. But this was not simply the plague. No, he thought blurrily, it had to be something more.
Edward thought back to his recent activities. He had just eaten a bowl of the stew he had made using Peter’s corpse; could the meat have gone bad? He had dried and salted it properly.
He was interrupted by the sound of knocking on his door. He hadn’t left his house in days, and he wondered if the village had finally decided to remove him.
“Begone!” he called, his voice hoarse. “I am unwell,”
There was a slight pause, and then a man’s voice shouted back, “I apologize, doctor. I thought you should like to know—Agnes has recovered. Her fever broke.”
The man did not wait for a response, and the crunch of his shoes upon the dirt path soon faded.
Edward was too sick to feel relief. Instead, he stumbled into the other room and collapsed onto his bed, sweating profusely. His head was throbbing. Shakespeare the rat scurried onto the cot and cuddled against Edward.
Edward’s eyes darted across the room. Something was watching him. The door creaked, opening slowly. Nobody was there. Edward blinked, shielding his eyes. The room was dark, and yet, bright white spots danced in his vision. He shook his head to clear it, and the lights dimmed. With a jolt, he realized there was a shadowy figure standing in the corner of his room. His heart pounded fiercely, as if it could break free from his ribcage, and sharp pangs shot through his chest. Who was there? He couldn’t see their face. They stood there and did nothing but watch him. The frigid feeling of fear gripped Edward, and he felt cold prickling in his limbs. The figure was going to kill him. He could feel it.
He closed his eyes. When he opened them, the figure was gone.
The shadowy person continued to haunt him for many miserable hours. Sometimes Edward could see them, sometimes he could only sense their eyes upon him. Occasionally, he felt as if there was more than one. Shakespeare the rat continued to lounge languidly on the bed.
Edward’s skin was reddish and swollen, his neck and upper arms covered in painful buboes. A few had burst, gushing puss that trickled underneath his robe. His face had broken out into boils, and the air was foul with the stench of vomit. The pungent smell of copper stained the bedsheets from the bloody phlegm Edward had coughed up.
When he drifted off into sleep, it was fitful. He dreamed of his childhood. He was eleven years old, wandering in the streets. He had this dream before, many times. He could feel the dirt caked on his skin, the grime in his hair. His clothes were stiff, muddy, and worn. And he was hungry. Starving, even. He knew in the dream that if he continued like this, he was going to die.
He staggered into an alleyway, collapsing from fatigue. A foul stench filled the air. Lying by the wall across from him was a human corpse, beaten to the point of unrecognizability. Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew that what he was considering was wrong. But the louder part of him, closer to the surface, knew that he was hungry.
He crawled over to the body.
Grabbing a stone off the ground, he hacked at the corpse. Bringing the forearm up to his mouth, he ripped off a piece of raw, bloodied muscle and began to chew. Chew, chew, chew. And swallow.
A sharp pang woke Edward from his dream. He was hungry now, hungrier than he had ever been, but he was too weak to stand, or even crawl. He was starving, and plagued with an insatiable, incredible craving for human flesh.
The figure was watching him from the corner but Edward didn’t care. He choked out a fit of painful coughs, and when he looked down, his hands were wet with blood. He knew then that he was dying. He reached his hand under the mattress and grabbed a knife hidden there. He refused to wait until the rotting, miserable death finally claimed him. He wanted to die content, and the plague was the worst way to die, after all.
He took the knife to his right forearm and began to skin it clumsily. The pain was sharp and fresh, but he continued anyway, ignoring the splattering blood. The thick, flimsy slabs of skin fell in shreds onto the bed. After his arm was completely red and raw, he tossed the knife away and rubbed at the wound to deter the bleeding. Bringing his arm to his mouth, he sunk his teeth into his own flesh, feeling his front teeth grind against the radius bone. Despite the excruciating, searing sensation, he tore the chunk of raw meat away from his arm, leaving an enormous gash. It continued to pour blood as he chewed.
He began to feel lightheaded, falling back onto the cot. This was it, he knew. As his vision began to darken, Shakespeare the rat crept onto his chest, and Edward gave him a twisted smile.
Soon, his breathing ceased completely, and the rat began to feast.
Author’s Note:
Shakespeare the rat, like the absolute tank that he is, does indeed survive the same fatal dose of arsenic, transmitted through Peter’s corpse, that killed Edward, a grown man. Shakespeare the rat goes on to live a long, prosperous, and happy rat life.
You Are Not My Sunshine
Rose Weisberg ~ Poetry
You are my scintillating star; I’d surely go to war for you.
My moon and mist and morning dew—not one on Earth compares to you.
For when I gaze into your eyes, they blaze as bright as fireflies.
(If beauty does as it will do, then it has clearly favored you)
So come each rising of the sun, I’ll grieve until the day is done.
When, from dusk ‘til light of dawn, I get to hold and cherish you.
Daylight shall bring nobbut pain, as losing you is all I gain,
But meanwhile, to you who has better things to do, I’ll exist for you.